yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
