I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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