I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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