hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
