Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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