I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
