Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize