Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
