why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
