I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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