mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
