i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
