He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
