I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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