You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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