i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
