the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
