I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
