i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
