I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you had me at cake vodka
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize