Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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