I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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