Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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