I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
