what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
