I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
