I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
