did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
