I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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