It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
