glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
