I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
