Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
