I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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