I'm really into asian looking animals
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
