Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I die, sorry about rent.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
