I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
