I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I looked at my own cervix.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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