ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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