awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
