Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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