Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
