if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
