I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
