we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
