Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
