U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Duck Duck Cougar?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
