Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize