dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
