i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize