the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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