thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize