It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
