Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
