So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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