I wish I could teleport
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
