I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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